The end of suffering.: July 2010

Lamentation for Hope.

I do not want to feel this intense.

I do not want to love this strong.

I do not want to care this much.

I want to be like others…

Having only superficial feelings…

I want to wrap this river up and put her back into an iron ball.

I want to curl up in bed,

never to get up again.

I want to live my days in drunken haze,

or in a cracked stupor.

I want a potted giggle

and a leaved rage.

I want nothing real anymore.

All illusion of who I am

and what I want.

I do not want it all anymore.

No more striving,

no more giving.

No more hoping.

No more accepting morsels at the door.

I want to give up on living

and feeling and loving.

I want to succumb and become just

another one of the living dead.

I want to sit on a bench in a park

– all tatters and dirt,

and I do not want to care.

I’ll say hallelujah and amen

at the right places and

sing whatever chorus

for a crust of bread.

I’ll offer my body for a warm bed.

I’ll smile and declare God is good,

when I get on the blue train.

I’ll take the trip to nowhere…

as long as I do not feel this much , care this deep and love so deep.

Hope has crashed…

The end of suffering - To be a blessing to myself!

The end of suffering.