Mother's day

Sunday was Mother's day.

As usual, Mother made sure she spoils the day for herself. As I have learned over the last couple of years, I allowed her to.

I went home; I wished her a happy Mother's day.

The rest of the weekend was spent like any other weekend when I am visiting home.

Visiting home has changed over the years. There was times when I went home every weekend, then there were times, when I visited once a month, then there were times, when I visited none. Then there were times when I went home, but did not visit.

I love my parents. My parents are wonderful people - my friends easily dump me for my parents... My ex-boyfriends stay friends with my parents, so no, they are not terrible old people that are best to be avoided. I am really fortunate to have them in my life.

Somehow, I did not and do not get what I need from my parents. My parents love me and they love me, the best they know how to. Somehow it is not providing in my needs. Communication, jealousy, expectations, love languages, unthankfulness all contributing to a break in the relationship. And then one day it all collapsed...

This time round, I refused to fix it. No "I am sorry", no trying to talk it through. I just went home and did not visit, and also did not go home. Gradually, I learned what was wrong and how much it hurt me. Gradually, I accepted that they did the best they know. Eventually, I let go. I let go of the pain. I let go of the expectations.

I started to visit again; I got a few pleasant surprises - like an unexpected apology! Visits became nice again. My needs are not yet met, but I enjoy the relationship for what it is and take note and savour the unexpected surprises.

The relationship is different now. I am a different person and therefore the dynamics of the relationship is different. I am not trying to have the parents I want, I appreciate what I have. It still hurts to not have what I so badly want, but I am blessed by what I have.

I had to decide to end the suffering (not having my needs met) and to be a blessing to myself (letting go of expectations and pain, love myself, love my parents, and letting the relationship be).

Now I enjoy my parents again. I love going home and look forward to visiting them, ever so often.

Lief vir julle!